Bubble
So I got a suprise, my roommate's little brother is staying the night and it came out of the blue for me.
That gave me so much anxiety and stress. I like to somewhat know how my days look, some sort of loose planing since I also can't have it to strict. We also live in a one room apartment so I don't have a place to close the door and be alone.
When I'm not comfortable I have a really hard time to focus, I'm trying to "act normal" and that makes it impossible just be. It's like I forgett how to function, how a humen talks or walk. I can be stil for houers and feel weird going up to the toilet like it's a odd behavior. I feel weird talking to my roomie like the little brother is examinateing me. It's a really paranoid thing to think and I know that, but... He see everything I do, hear anything I say without knowing me and me knowing him he's just in my safe space. It's a odd feeling.
When they went out to buy some candy I built a pillowfort to create a space for my own, where I could be alone and relax.
Now I have been much more relaxed and calm. Watching documentarys and drawing. I don't hear anything, I don't see anything else. It's really nice.
All the sounds and movements they are doing is making me unfocused even tho I tried drawing and looking at tv it just didn't work until the physical wall was there. It's something with this little soace that just makes me feel human again and within my little square I can act normal.
