rituals around food

So when I eat I have to do surten things.

I need it to be clean in the room I'm eating in,  this means I'm eather cleaning before cooking or after. 

I have to be clean when I'm eating, this means I can cook my food, have the room cleaned but I have to scrub my face or even take a shower because I don't like the steam from the food on my skin.

I don't like if other people see me eat, especially if they are not eating. But I don't like showing all the things I eat either so even if they eat I often skip it. So if I have friends over I won't eat until they leave and that can be from the time that I wake up til the middle of the night.

I have to look at something when I eat. I don't like just eating, I need a tv on or a movie on the computer. I really feel uncomfortable having that much focus on just eating.
It's just a drag haha and this is all things I do to push forward me eating since I don't think I deserve to eat and since I'm so afraid of becoming fatter than I am. All in the name of selfhate.