So why I'm so obsessed with Rupauls Dragrace

It's not the show itself really, I mean it's a fun show and the challenges are funny. People are snappy and have hughe personalities and create (not always tho sry girls) beautiful looks and illusions of women.

But, why I came to love the show has more to what was happening in my world at the time I started to watch it. 
I started watching it after my first stay at the hospital. This was when I lived at a friends family home in Malmö. 

I feelt very alone and abandoned at the time. I didn't talk to any of my friends from my hometown, I didn't have anyone in Malmö except the girl I was living at, and we were new friends.

To be perfectly honest, I had a crush on her. And she's the one who showed me Rupauls Dragrace. 

She was so smart and beautiful. Funny and clumbsy yet so gracious and, she was like a piece of art. When I moved out of they're home to try and not live on they're kindness she suddenly stopped talking to me. 

And so I was completely alone.

I was drinking, not eating, selfharming and high on overdose after overdose on medication. 

All I had in that small room, in that unsafe apartment that I chared with a stranger, was my phone playing Rupaul in the background. I always had it on. When I was out, trying to get jobs or eating alone in restaurants. The girls in the show held me company and I didn't feel so alone. To hear the storys of how they grew strong. 

They were a whole new world. And I loved them. They were my new friends in a way. 

This is also why I never want to see a Dragshow for real. It will break my illusion of me being a part of they're sisterhood, of me having a family. Since I'm still struggeling with my family and how we work and my place within it. 

So, for everyone laughing at the fact that i watch so mutch Dragrace. This is why. 

Cuz I almost dided and they keept me company.