Dehuminized

I have for a werry long time pusched down my feelings. I have,  and still werry much enjoy the stage of being numb. To just kinda switch off, and you're life becomes in a different kinda shade. Like a thin fog. I often feel headaches, but they're.. I don't know how to explain this properly. It feels like my thoughts are escaping from my brain. Like they are running down my hair and I can't grasp them. I can't catch them in the fall and I end up losing them.

It makes me feel exausted, like Im always running around after myself. Trying to pick the piecec up. 

I feel disoriented and I often feel dehuminized in a way. I can't really relate to people like I want to. I feel like I werry much understand they're emotion, I just don't understand why they don't see the logical way. They get stuck in they're emotions and let's everything get clouded. This often makes me feel disconnected  Like I'm lacking something that everyone else have figured out. Except I'm learning more and more that there are a lot of people like me, or kinda like me.

But I freak myself out, I more and more feel like I'm missing what people are giving out. That I have forgotten that language. A language I used to be much better at but I've just lost it.

To be honest I was never that good with emotions. I feel easily uncomfortable when people people show to much emotion, I get confused and I dont know what to do or how to act. All the times I have panict and just started drawing so I don't habe to deal with it. Or where I habe made a joke about it. All the shit I laughe away..