I don't know what's wrong with me

I'm starting school monday, I have the best relationship with the person I live with, and growing with others. I have my baby rats. 

But I have this lump in my gut and tears ready to burst at any moment. 

I feel... I don't really know what I feel, but I don't like it.

Like I'm floating on a boat without any sails, following the waves. Seeing the sun rise, watching stars fall. All with cement on my chest. Ready to drown. But instead I just, float I guess. 

I'm tierd and stressed but left emotionless, except I still have the consequences of feelings. I cry so easily and yet not at all, I scream so often but so silently. 

I don't feel when I'm supposed to, yet I'm bursting at my seems.